Disclaimer: This is NOT, IN ANY WAY, advocating for not doing the Open. In fact, I would like to take a second to say that if you do Crossfit and you answer yes to any of the following you should ABSOLUTELY WITHOUT ANY HESITATION SIGN UP FOR THE OPEN
- Are you competitive?
- Do you have goals?
- Do you want to challenge yourself?
- Do you want to see yourself accomplish things you never thought you would?
- Is positivity and an energetic community something you enjoy?
- Do you crossfit?
SIGN UP… liiiikkkeee… NOW
Okay, now that thats out of the way. Let’s move on.
I love the Open. In fact, I have done more than one post on the Open over the life of this blog. And there has been many a Facebook and Gram post on the Open. It is truly the most amazing time of the year. (Move over Christmas! :P) The Open embodies EVERYTHING that I love about Crossfit and is the epitome of the reason I fell in love with the sport. It promotes community, positivity, and pushing yourself to be the most amazing version of yourself – surprising yourself around every turn. I have had so many great memories my last 2 Opens and have seen people accomplish fantastic things. At the same time, it also feeds this animal that lives inside of me… The competitor… I am nice and quiet on the outside but inside I am probably one of the most competitive people you will ever meet. I silently push myself harder and harder to be the best me, not only for myself but to beat all the people I possibly can in my box along the way hahaha.
So clearly, moral of that rant was that the open is my everything… Until this year…
I was in a car accident just a week and a half ago. Now it was nothing that left me in as bad of shape as I could have been – big thanks to the man upstairs for that one. Nothing critical and no broken bones. However, it did rattle me (and my brain and spine) enough to leave me not healthy enough to fully compete this year. You see, brain injuries are something that leave you weirdly incapacitated. Like you physically can still lift as much and do all your movements BUT every single thing you do gives you headaches, makes you dizzy, or makes your neck feel like it cannot hold your head up… Its the weirdest (and most frustrating) thing I have EVER experienced. Hands down… I held out until about 2 days ago, originally telling myself I would be okay by Feb 25th. But 2 days ago I broke down and got my $20 refunded 😦 … Because of course I signed up THE DAY registration was able. I said I get excited about it right?
I went through all the stages of grief following the accident.
Shock. Shock that I actually could not do ANYTHING. Shock at my absolute initial lack of physical ability to … move… at all.
Denial. I tried to completely deny the extent of my physical limitations for days.
Anger. I was SO MAD. Mad at the other driver who t-boned me. Mad at myself for not taking another way to my clients house. Mad that I couldn’t work out. Mad at no one and everyone. Mad at everything. THIS WAS MY YEAR TO PROVE MYSELF. The amount of progress I have made in the last 7 months has been overwhelming to myself. I was so pumped for this year. I was ready to push myself and show myself what I was made of. I was in a new region and at a new box. I was excited to see where I fell among new people… And that was ripped away from me.
Bargaining. This was mostly with myself. Rationalizing and bargaining the ways in which I would handle this. The ways maybe it was possible for me to do some physical activity and recover faster than is actually happening.
Depression. Then I cried… For 3 days straight. About everything. The actual accident itself; the car and financial devastation. And for “losing” the thing that made me feel the best.
Finally, acceptance. And this is where I am at as I write this post. Acceptance. Today, as the quickly approaching Open was discussed amongst my colleagues at the box today … and is evident in all social media… I finally really accepted that place I am at physically and I found the silver lining.
Listening to my colleagues get pumped up today, though I still sat with a little of that disappointment, got me realizing that this year is my year to be inspired. I am a part of such an amazing group of people at Crossfit Cedar Park. I am embarking on a thrilling and exciting new journey in coaching. And maybe, just maybe, this year is meant for me to help all those others feel all the magic and excitement I have felt the last two years in the Open. My boyfriend is competing for the very first time. I am excited for him. I am excited to push him and cheer him on and see what he can accomplish. I am excited to watch the members do great things and surprise themselves. I am excited to see the killer athletes that are at my box absolutely CRUSH IT and make waves. I am excited to be privileged to still be able to be surrounded by great people.
I have so many goals of my own. But they aren’t going anywhere. At 26 years young, my health is the most important. Healing well and being able to get back at it 100% and get stronger, better, faster…. THAT is what I need to focus on.
The lesson I have learned from the Open this year already, is that competition is healthy and great and fun … but it always has its place. You can be inspired, you can get better, and you can still work towards your goals no matter what life throws at you. You just need to adjust the way you do it. This is my time to fine tune my knowledge and educate myself in healing injuries such as mine and work on my mobility – I am gonna come back mobile as heeeelllllllllll ;P This is my year to be not a competitor but a role model, a judge, a motivator, a coach. This year I will embrace the Open from a whole new perspective.
I can’t guarantee there won’t be moments that disappoint flares back up or a little frustration sets in. But I am ultimately excited and ready to take on this new challenge and force myself to get better and stronger in a way I never thought I would have to. Let the mental battle begin!
And to everyone competing in the Open … GO KILL IT!
To everyone not…. What the heck are you waiting for?! 😉